That even though you hurt you will make sure they are happy.
No matter what you would put them first....
Because you love them.
But things aren't like that.
Maybe it's just the way I think.
Maybe I just expect too much.
I believed if I treated the person I love the way I always wanted to be treated that they would treat me that way in return.
But that's just not how things work.
I know no one acts the same way.
No one is perfect.
But I just want them to make me feel special.
I just want to feel like they care.
Like they want me to be happy.
They don't have to do anything extreme.
Just a simple note.
Just a tight hug.
Just a random "I love you".
Just something to let me know they think about me.
No gifts, no money.
Just a symbol of their feelings.
Maybe I just want to much.
Maybe I should just be happy they are there.
That they love me.
But how do I know they love me?
Words mean nothing compared to actions.
Is it a fantasy I want? I must be crazy.
I should want something realistic! NOT A FANTASY!
I should just be satisfied with giving him a smile.
As long as he is happy it's okay.
I will ignore my pain in order to cheer him up.
I will do anything I can for him.
I don't care if he does it in return.
I don't have to have a happy life.
I just have to have you happy in my life.
I love my life,
Not because it's perfect or great.
I love my life because you are in it.
So please never leave my life,
Nicholas Mast, I love you more than anything.
You make me happy.
I still have a goal in life though. And I will reach that goal. That goal will not make me happy, but it will make me feel like I did something with my life. I won't be a let down. I will be someone. Or I will die trying.
[I just want to be shown what love is.]
