Why can't there always be a positive output in things?
Why can't the feeling of being happy stay?
Why do we destroy ourselves when what we really want is to save ourselves?
Why can't I find the answers to these questions?....
That word always seems to pop up in my head. "Why" a simple 3 letter word that I hate so much.
Sometimes I just want to stop thinking so much.
But even when I try so hard to stop over thinking everything... I end up losing.
No matter what I try I always think too much.
But what I think never turns out to be a lie.
So is this a bad thing or a good thing?
Or maybe I just hate the truth.
Maybe I just want to be lied to all the time
Hear what I want to hear
Believe that this world can be a wonderful place...
Sadly, it isn't.
And sadly I'm not stupid enough to believe it can be.
For me anyways.
Maybe there still is a chance for others.
But until I allow myself to be happy
Until I am willing to accept things with flaws and all
Until I am willing to see that I deserve something good
I don't think this world will ever be a wonderful place for me.
But I also don't want to be lied to...
I want to know the truth
I don't want to base my feelings on something that is a lie
Something that was never real
Never there
Never wanted
Never needed
Why can't people just be honest?
Even if the truth hurts, it's better to tell the truth then a lie
Lies just hurt more.
Especially if the person finds out the truth on their own
The pain of being lied to is awful.
All your hope feels like it leaves you
Breathing becomes a struggle
Sadness takes over every inch of your body
Then anger takes it's place.
And the misery afterwords, is indescribable.
But even when I am lied to, I accept it.
I don't show what I feel. Not because I don't want to
But because I see no use in it.
Saying something won't have any effect.
There's no point.
In my mind my feelings mean nothing.
And maybe I should really change that.
After all I do have feelings, so shouldn't they mean something?
If not to someone else at least to me....
I don't know what to do anymore.
So I will just go with the flow, because I don't want to do anything if I know the outcome will never be positive.
One day,
Everything bad will go away.
One day...
(Everything beautiful, Eventually dies.)
