The good the bad it doesn't matter.
Either way they will affect your life.
In good ways or bad ways.
So why do we care about what we do when time will move on no matter what.
The present becomes the past and the future becomes the present.
So why should the past matter when it is so far away.
You see things are different with me.
All the good and all the bad does the same to me.
I can never see the positive no matter how hard I try.
And trust me I do try, harder then I should maybe?
I thank my friend for that.
He told me that thinking about the negative does nothing but bring you down
Thanks to him I try hard to look at the positives in everything that happens in my life even in the bad things.
But it's easier said then done.
Sometimes I just want to quit.
Just stop all the madness.
Allow myself to escape this world and enter my fantasy.
A place where everything is good; where nothing bad ever happens
Where lies don't exist and no one can hurt you with their words.
I just want to be alone in this place, alone with the wind
Alone with nature. Just by myself.
No worries in the world.
But wouldn't that be selfish of me?
What about everyone I care about and love?
Could I leave them to go to this place?
Could I leave them to go to this place?
How could I do such a thing.
I don't have the heart.
I don't have the courage.
All I would have is guilt.
They deserve to be happy too right?
Everyone deserves to be happy, not just me.
I am so selfish to think about just myself when others are suffering too.
But sometimes I don't want to stay.
Even though I love them; I still want to escape.
Because solving other people's problems isn't my job.
Why should I help them if they don't help me.
Why should they help me?
I don't deserve it. I don't deserve anything.
Maybe I do deserve one thing.
This one thing is suffering.
And what is my suffering you might ask?
My suffering is my mind.
My thoughts, my voices.
Yes I do believe the voices belong to me; after all only I can hear them.
The tortures things they say. You could only imagine them.
Everyday I hear them say things I don't want to hear.
Things I don't want to remember.
Things I want to forget.
Things I want to avenge.
Everyday my hate grows.
Hate towards what though?
Obvious answer. Hate towards me.
I seem to have gotten off topic.
Don't I always. Well I'll write more later.
I have a lot on my mine.
Thoughts thoughts thought.
They seem to have consumed me.
They seem to have taken away my sanity.
Will I survive with so many thoughts attacking me?
Maybe they will take me away into a world they have made.
Maybe they will take me away into a world they have made.
A world made from thoughts.
If that's the case; that world would be hell for me.
[Alone I am, with my thoughts and my past. Seems I can't escape it; but could it be I don't want to?]
